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Email Intermediaries™

The Tale of an Amazingly Cool Idea…

Once upon a time I was coaching and mentoring, much as I do now, and I was regularly suggesting to clients the need to remove themselves from the pain of daily contact with their spouse’s affair, other addiction, abuse or even long term neglect, also much as I do now. Whenever I would suggest such a thing as no contact with a straying partner, though, I would be met with resistance not only to the concept (that’s natural) but to the seemingly impossible task of relaying necessary information about children and finances without having contact.

My reply was always to ask if there were friends or family who might be willing to act as go- betweens for the couple. Once in a while someone would be lucky enough to know someone willing to devote time and energy to this task, more often than not they were too embarrassed to ask or they just didn’t have anyone. Even when my clients were fortunate enough to know someone willing to take on the task of relaying information usually it turned into a mixed blessing with far too much information about what the straying spouse was doing being relayed as well. Well meaning friends and family would try to act as counselors and often sabotaged the strategies developed in the coaching process by suggesting the need to either reengage in contact with the wayward partner or worse yet that the betrayed spouse might as well just get it over with and get divorced!

One day, in desperation, I offered to provide the service myself for a client who really had no other means to completely cut off contact, and in that moment the role of an email intermediary began to take shape.

Over the next year I developed form letters for introducing myself to the partner who was not a client of mine. I refined my ideas about what kinds of information was essential (SYMC does not consider a divorce an emergency and will not be part of that conversation) and how best to relay it in a way that protected the marriage and the individuals from further trauma and pain.

As time went on my coaching practice grew and my time shrank. I decided to train others to act as EI™ providers on a volunteer basis. The first group learned by on the job training – a process that helped all of us continue to define what this role is all about and how best to accomplish our goal of creating a buffer zone of calm and safety for the betrayed partner.

 

 

Email Intermediary™ FAQ’s

What is an Email Intermediary™ (EI™) Provider?
EI™ providers act as information flow facilitators for couples in separation and in Protection Phase. In plain terms an EI™ does exactly as the name suggests. They receive information via email from both spouses, remove the emotional and non-essential information, and then forward the essential parts on to the other spouse – as concisely and efficiently as possible.

What skills are needed to be an EI™?

Personality and attitude! We find, in training and working with new EI™ providers, that someone who is able to look at a long ,ranting email and pick out the parts that are pertinent and necessary information without getting sucked into the drama do the best. We look for someone who is not likely to take sides and who is not disrespectful towards a wayward partner in general. Someone with a strong attitude of respect. But, they should also understand that even though both people are to blame in the deteriortation of a marriage and that there are lots of issues that need to be addressed, none of the problems in the marriage can be dealt with as long as an affair is in part of the picture.
 
Here are some helpful qualities: 
  • Capable of not giving their advice or suggestions unless asked.
  • Self confident enough not to let the inevitable personal attacks get to them -and certainly never retaliate!! -   (people in pain lash out, and if you're the one in the middle it's going to be directed at you eventually.)
  • A strong sense of humor is indispensible.
  • Process skills- they should be available via phone or computer most of the time and responsible about returning messages in a timely manner.

What training do EI’s have?
Our EI ™ providers must fill out an in depth application probing their attitudes on marriage, divorce, infidelity and other related issues. The training pre-requisites are two classes covering marriage and infidelity - about four hours total. The EI™ training itself is made up of three classes covering everything from what they can and cannot say, legal issues, form letter responses, how to introduce oneself to the non initiating spouse, and more. There is homework following each class. New EI™ providers are supervised by one of the senior providers for a minimum of 12 weeks.

I am providing personal details about my life and that of my children to the EI™ provider – is there any assurance this information will not be used to harm my family?
Every effort is made to ensure that our EI™ providers are of the highest ethical standing. EI™ providers are handpicked by me and the top SYMC staff. They must be approved by the Board of Advisors as candidates for the EI™ training and they must complete an extensive application that probes their attitudes toward marriage, infidelity and divorce. All SYMC staff and personnel agree to and sign a rigorous Code of Conduct prior to joining the team.
 

I am separated and in no contact with my spouse; can I have an EI™ without getting coaching?
The short answer is, maybe. EI™ services are, technically, not stand alone services. Providing the service itself requires significant investment by SYMC in terms of training and administering our providers. It requires a significant investment in time by the providers themselves, who are volunteers. Our experience has found that providing EI™ services to those who are not current and active coaching clients can be chaotic and disruptive for both the client and the EI™ provider. However, as we've grown over time we've had many long term members of our online forum, The Village Gathering, who understand and use SYMC strategies and philosophies. We are currently making EI™ services available in these cases for a nominal fee.

Is there an additional charge for EI™ services?

For coaching clients there is not. EI™ services are part of SYMC's dedication to, your marriage, and to offering the best service possible to our clients.
For non-clients there is a nominal fee of $125 per month. 
 
How can I be an EI™ Service Provider?
We're always looking for good people who share our dedication to marriage and family. Our EI™'s are handpicked from people we know. Dowload Penny's ebook, come and visit us at The Village Gathering, and see if your philosophy matches ours. If we click and you're passionate about helping families in crisis email me for an application.
 
Who can use the term Email Intermediary™ or EI™?
SYMC Global Village, Inc. owns both terms. Only those trained and certified by SYMC are allowed to use the terms Email Intermediary™ or EI™ or to offer services under those designations. In addition only those trained by SYMC may use our copyrighted form letters and templates. SYMC EI™ providers agree to offer these services only to SYMC coaching clients in conjunction with coaching services and only to those clients referred to the EI™ provider by an SYMC Coach.

Read more about Protection Phase and how EI™ services complement this strategy.

Train to be an EI






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