Infidelity Center

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Infidelity Center

Welcome to the Infidelity Center at SYMC. If your marriage is caught in the terrible tragedy of an affair you’ve come to the right place. Whether you are the betrayed partner wondering what you can do to keep your marriage and your family together or the unfaithful spouse lost in the web of pain and betrayal – we will do everything we can to help you weather the storm, heal your marriage, and move forward to recovery.

Infidelity affects an estimated sixty to eighty percent of marriages in the US. You are not alone. I realize that’s small consolation when you are facing devastating pain; I want you to know that others have recovered and you can too. Doing so requires you to take actions which are frightening and which feel like exactly the wrong thing to do at any given moment. This is true whether you are the betrayed or the wayward mate. I wish I could make the process easier, I can’t. What I can do is guide you through the maze of conflicting emotions and impulses as you take on this task of reclaiming your marriage.

If you are the betrayed partner my Primary Rules for Infidelity are:

Primary Rule One: Your emotions and instincts will lead you in the wrong direction 99.9% of the time when you are deciding what to do about a mate’s infidelity.

Primary Rule Two: Ignore almost all of what your straying spouse says s/he wants from you, how s/he feels about the marriage, threats they make in reaction to your steps to stop the affair, and all talk about “it’s over, get over it, I never loved you anyway, and there is no hope.”

If you base your decisions about what to do about a spouse’s affair on instinct, emotion, or what s/he says, you will flounder about taking the tiny steps on the path to divorce. Emotions, instincts, and the words of a mate under the influence of an affair are not objective – they will destine you to failure.

When you marry you create a relationship that is larger than the sum of its parts. When you make that commitment to your spouse you also make a commitment to protect and safeguard the marital bond. Not so difficult during the good times, but when a marriage is rocked by infidelity your ability to do what is necessary in the face of great suffering will be sorely tested. This is crunch time.

This is the time when “nice” has no place in your vocabulary. It is the time when you will need to draw on every reserve you have to remain calm and courteous and still do what is necessary to rock the affair boat as hard as possible. This is the time of heroes. The men and women who stare infidelity in the face and take necessary actions in spite of their own fear and pain inspire my deepest admiration.

SYMC is dedicated to helping couples just like you heal their marriages. We understand the havoc an affair wreaks on everyone in its path. I know from personal experience the pain the straying spouse feels – the lost and lonely nightmarish thoughts in the middle of the night. The regrets and the tears and the confusion – all surrounded by a veil of pain.

If you are currently having an affair and would like to end it, let us help you. The Village Gathering, our online discussion forum, has the only private board on the web for people working on ending an affair or for those who have recently ended one and are dealing with early days of withdrawal. As a community we are committed to honoring and respecting the pain of everyone touched by an affair, including those who have strayed from their vows.

An affair is an unethical attempt to make something better. Most people who have affairs are not evil or malicious. They are often hurting, confused, and lonely. It doesn’t make an affair acceptable, but it does address the very real pain felt by all involved.