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I was just sitting here, making notes in my journal, thinking about how well things were going, and I felt I had to let you know how well. The lovely Mrs. R is fantastic, we are happier than we ever thought we could be again. With all that's going on right now it's nice to sit back and count your blessings. It's a reminder of how often we take them for granted. We have moved to another city, and while OM#1 (affair partner) still attempts contact from time to time, I've just made arrangements with my company to transfer to another location. My W already did so a few weeks ago. So we will be working together once again. We are getting our 15 hours a week, at least. We go out quite regularly, and do more family events than we used to. Just wanted to say thank you Penny, for everything you did for us. Sorry for being so long winded, I can see by your website how busy you are. Like I said, I was just counting my blessings, and you were among them. R

Just had to share this. Friday I was in one of my best friend’s classrooms (kindergarten) waiting to conference with her about a student. Anyways I was sitting at the back of the room while she finished the group lesson at hand. One little boy raises his hand rather frantically waving it around like it is very important. My friend calls on him. He says another child was blowing in my ear. She says did you like that. He says no. She says then what do we need to do. He says use feeling words and ask him to stop. He does this. She then asks the second child did it upset your friend when you were blowing in his ear? He says yes. Then should we do things that make our friends upset or sad. No, Mrs. K (giant pout lip), but it made me feel happy. My friend replies sometimes we have to find something that makes us both happy so we don't make our friends unhappy while making ourselves happy. Then the writing lesson went on. I was trying really hard not to laugh. My friend was ready to send me to the hall. This sounded like a lesson straight from you! AC

I have learned so much from you. You have this down to earth way of explaining things that a lot of times, puts the things I'm thinking but can't quite think of the way to say it. into words. You have an extraordinary way with people and words, I think in coaching..you have found your *calling* in life. Sorry to ramble on.. but I just want you to know how much you have touched my life. You are a very special woman. BM

It (the weekend) was great! Even doing some things that traditionally don't work well for us. It was really good! I was telling (my spouse) last night that looking back four months ago, I can't imagine how I believed it would be better to be apart. I can see now what was wrong, but it is not an easy fix.

I was talking to (my spouse) the other day. In the past I would do the chores around the house and I would do them so she wouldn't get angry. That can only build resentment. Now, I do them because it makes her happy. Maybe the same result, but a dramatically different motivation. CC

Penny is fantastic. Very different than any previous MC or IC, and I have been to lots of them. She is helping us immensely. Yes, we are making progress. I see changes where before there were none. I have hope where before I was pessimistic.

We are not there yet, but I feel we are finally on a road that leads someplace better than where we were. As I said, I have seen many professionals (7 ICs and 5 MCs). She is by far the most helpful. The rest just want to talk and let you vent. Nothing changes. She pushes you to alter your behavior. And somehow you enjoy being pushed around! RL

Hi Penny,
Sorry for not writing these past few months. I have been really well and quite busy. My wife and I have been doing really well in Recovery....total honesty, no contact and spending quality time together. I had wrestled with the resentment issue for a while, but did well not to deal out any anger or disrespect over it. I can see her commitment every day and that has been the main factor in my healing I think. She tells me everything now and I let her know how much I appreciate it. It feels good to know we are on the same team even if the subject of the conversation is not the most desirable.

We talk very easily now and conversation just flows in a very natural manner. We are best friends again and it feels great! She sometimes gets down on herself about what happened and I just listen and let her know that I do forgive her. She needs to forgive herself now. That may take some time. My forgiveness really really boils down to a realization about how easy and powerful an affair can be especially given all the right ingredients in the marriage.

Thanks to God, family, friends and you, I was able to outlast it and change my behavior that contributed to it. To be perfectly honest, this could have all happened in reverse with me being the one who had the affair. This was a marital wake-up call that just about destroyed us. Either way, our marriage was heading in the wrong direction and now it is headed in the right direction. That's the best part! H

Thanks for everything. I think we both feel much more hopeful after talking to you.... we have a direction and some guidance. Thank you, thank you, thank you. FW

I hope you will someday realize all the good you do here. You have a way of getting to the core of the problem and explaining what needs to be done in a way easily grasped and acted upon. I hope you can continue to help others for years to come. You have helped me personally and I thank you for that also. SS

Penny,
I came home for lunch today and was SO thankful to see a response from you. You are the best! Your advice continues to be incredibly well appreciated and used. BP

Ben Hogan once said that the first time the average person picks up a golf club, every instinct they feel is wrong. It seems the same is true about saving marriages. My instincts were totally wrong when this first started. The great golfer Bobby Jones once said that all golfers sometimes feel like the dogged victims of inexorable fate. I often feel the same way about my marriage. But I know with your guidance my wife and I stand a good chance of coming through this crisis. TB

Moving slowly, but happy. Thank you so much for your advice. I couldn't have done it with out you. I think he has come out of the fog and now we can work and have a strong marriage. LM

Thank you very much for all of your support. I really appreciate all your words of wisdom :) They are truly priceless to me. KS

It was definitely a tough road, and there are days where you wonder if you will ever come out on the other side, but following the program that you set out is the way to do it, just because it helps you heal and gives you that sense of self-worth as you look back on the past. So I'm really happy with how these have turned out. BR

This is my personal favorite and was shared with me by a friend who told this to a family member:

Penny will get you moving and get results, she'll make changes. She's very good, and not for the faint of heart. RH

Penny R. Tupy
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